Resolution

Posted on by phillippa68

yeah, yeah, promises, promises…

I rarely see the light of day
I barely last a week
You never honor what you say
The blatant truth I speak

I’m bantered, tossed and thrown about
and often, willy nilly
Don’t pledge my oath if you’re in doubt
It’s kind of fucking silly

So many times I’m guaranteed
Or promised on a whim
If on the front foot, you can’t lead
Results are always grim

I’m not your weight loss trainer, mate
That’s getting pretty old
Nor smoker’s guide to clean the slate
That turkey’s just gone cold

No, don’t commit that booze you’ll quit
Then lay the rap on me
You want a raise, then drop the shit
Just ask the Boss man, see?

I won’t be held accountable
For all these wayward calls
No fear is insurmountable
Just grow some bloody balls

Your habits aren’t my problem folks
Don’t blame The Resolution
Man up for once and cut the jokes
Yes, be the damned solution!

The New Year rings in many things
Pacts made and sworn and spoken
While bullshit reigns on drunken wings
I’ll always be a token…

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
01012017

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Loser

Posted on by phillippa68

I’m SUCH a…

My stupid keys have been misplaced
I left them on that bench, I swear
Each useless step I’ve now retraced
I cannot find them anywhere

I’m sure I saw them over there
And so I search with heightened haste
Location skills in disrepair
Those useless keys have been misplaced

I’m on all fours now, frantic-paced
Is that them down behind the chair?
A futile search is what I’ve faced
I left them on that bench, I swear

To ditch my keys is hardly rare
I just don’t have the time to waste
Though I don’t have a month to spare
Each stupid step I’ve now retraced

My kneecaps need to be replaced
My loser status can’t compare
The major fact I’ve now embraced
I cannot find them anywhere

For tossing keys, I have a flair
From spouse, I’ll have to take a baste
This “loser” gene is SO unfair
The scent of keys forever chased!

My brain has fried, my mind erased, the proof above, one bitter taste…

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
27122016

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Employed

Posted on by phillippa68

work ethics Vs starvation…

The day has come and I’m annoyed
Our well is dry I must concede
It seems I’ll have to be employed
A part time job is what I need

For we have hungry mouths to feed
It’s something that we can’t avoid
And so it seems they’re all agreed
The day has come and I’m annoyed

Those extra freedoms I’ve enjoyed
No longer will be guaranteed
We’re floating in a cashless void
Our well is dry I must concede

And so with talent I must lead
My skill set has to be deployed
I’m labour-bound and can’t be freed
It seems I’ll have to be employed

Of conscience I have been devoid
From working ethics I have fleed
My scruples, are but all destroyed
A part time job is what I need

My ship sits idle, anchored, buoyed
Though wailing winds prevail and plead
So bludge no more on land ahoyed
To job horizon, I’ll proceed

The day has come…

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
04082013

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Lustre

Posted on by phillippa68

I’m a little steamed…

The smear campaign is wearing thin
Your jokes are getting old,
This bullied shit is weighing in
You assholes must be told,

My name is such a dirty word
You can’t seem to abolish,
You’re all convinced this well crapped turd
can take some two-bit polish,

Well, sorry people that’s not me
I’ve frankly had enough,
For anyone can damn well see
I mostly come out rough,

So don’t poohoo my label, folks
I know I don’t pass muster,
Forget the buff, the thousand strokes
This shit won’t gain no lustre!

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
05122016

Image created by P J Ross

 

Hellstra

Posted on by phillippa68

you pack of incompetent bastards…

Your outages are wearing thin
This client’s copped it on the chin
and NO, it’s not a passing phase
To get online takes fucking days

I rang and waited on the phone
But got the hint I’m on my own
You’re on the nose, your service pongs
Your tips just didn’t right my wrongs

I listened to your dumb advice
I disconnected damned device
Delays are only getting worse
I’ve suffered through the red light curse

Yes, as I feel the Hellstra burn
I wonder…will my joy return?
My internet is on the blink
As hosts go, pal, you fucking stink

You promised you had sorted it
Your CEO is full of shit
I have no fucking web address
I’ve just closed down my business

You pricks have rarely got my back
You will not ease it up my jack
I’m so crapped off, your Telco sucks
You’ve shafted me and thieved my bucks

I’m going broke I’m in a hole
Some heads had better fucking roll
My broadband is a piece of snot
I’m billed for shit I haven’t got

So there it is, you must agree
How dare you pull that shit on me?
Ten days I had no internet
You blew me off, you made me fret

So don’t have the audacity
To charge me an outstanding fee
My payment shall be somewhat late
Because you bastards made me wait!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
04122016

Image created by P J Ross

 

Bird

Posted on by phillippa68

I am a…

Inside an egg I’m specially made
I grace the world whilst getting laid
Protected, nurtured till I hatch
I’m bald and squawking, whatta catch
I am a bird…

So now I’m someones precious pet
My antics make the internet
I’m tethered good, they’ve got me chained
They seem to think I should be trained
I am a bird…

Well…

I’ve mocked and mimicked all I’ve heard
I’ve mastered every dirty word
I ate my seed I’ll have you know
and even drank the H20
Yes, I’m a bird…

This beak is sharp, my shriek is shrill
I just shit on their window sill
When horny I’ll just root my perch
And if I went, I’d swear in church
For I am bird…

There’s no more I’m prepared to do
I’m done with circus tricks for you
I did that stupid little dance
For Christ sake give my wings a chance
I am a bird!

That big blue sky is all I see
You heartless bastards, set me free!
I’ll make your home life hell on earth
and screech for all I’m fucking worth
‘Cause, I’m a bird

Later…

The feathers flew and not just mine
I got the flick, I crossed the line
A life of freedom now preferred
It paid to be a downright turd
A fucking bird!

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
–03/12/2016–

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Lazy

Posted on by phillippa68

a theme for life…

I have no shame, I’m damn well lame
and often prove the loafer,
A layabout, I proudly tout
a life upon the sofa.

My carrot back’s about to snap
Can’t bend to smell a daisy,
Won’t even try, the reason why?
I’m just so fuckin’ lazy!

How is it then, I’ve lifted pen
with energy diminished?
You needn’t ask, I’ve met the task
But Christ, I’m glad it’s finished!

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
25032015

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Straw, Sticks, Bricks & Plastic

Posted on by phillippa68

a curly tail of dodgy porkmanship…

Pig built a house, entirely straw
Yet that would be his major flaw
The Big Bad Wolf just blew it down
So Piglet moved to Timbertown…

To brother’s house, the one of wood
It pissed on straw and so it should
He bunked with Spare Ribs for awhile
Till Wolf appeared with ghoulish smile

One manky dose of maggot breath
Soon huffed and puffed that house to death
Reduced to kindling on the ground
No trace of shelter to be found

Pork loins fled crumpled pile of sticks
to Big Ham’s haven lined with bricks
But no respite in Wolf’s attacks
That mofo blew through builders cracks

The shit-scared bros’ would tremble, quake
Once mortar split, the pork would shake
As howling wind ensued inside
The frightened snorters screeched and cried

“All shonky tradespigs should be shot
This house of stone, it ain’t, it’s not
Don’t trust pink brickers, here’s the proof
The frickin’ walls won’t hold the roof

and down bricks came
and that’s the truth…

So…

Hogs hightailed in their shit-filled pants
The grotty trotters one last chance:
Their couzin Speck’s mod new-age home:
A small clear moulded plastic dome…

It wasn’t straw or bricks or twigs
But safe, strong house for homeless pigs
Arriving, wolf huffed through his beard
Through intercom, the bacon jeered

“We just engaged in lock-down mode
The password’s gone, we ate the code
Your puff can’t penetrate this shield
Our crackling’s safe, we’re vaccum sealed”

“You’re packed like porkchops,” Wolfie sneered
“Your own pig-heads you should have feared”
As they squealed “BLOW me, Wolf”, he’d shout
“Well, no air in, means NONE gets out!”

A four-course meal he’d commandeered
as Slow-Cook-Pig-Spit-Roast appeared
His words lived on to be revered
Seems Wolfie was the one who cheered…

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
26012013

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Grain

Posted on by phillippa68

more than just a speck…

There is no doubt
One grain of sand
Himself alone
Could make a stand

He has no clout
For on his own
He’s in a drought
He’s just unknown

But should he band
This grain of sand
With kindred specks
Then hand in hand

There is no doubt
In clumped command
A mountain grand
They’d surely tout

A mountain clanned
A mountain manned
A hill would stand
Without a doubt

In no demand
One grain alone
Just sits about
With life unplanned

He’s on his own
And all alone
Unclumped, unclanned
His shores unfanned

He’s back to bland
With life unspanned
And just one speck
A speck of sand

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright Phillippa J Ross
10032016

Image sourced from Google Images

 

Antsy

Posted on by phillippa68

she sure is gettin…

This pint size brat, will stop to chat, we often see her coming
Right there she’ll sit, the little shit, then starts that bloody drumming
On any day, she heads our way, we seem to take her fancy
That little witch is in our ditch, she’s always getting antsy

With spade in hand, she takes command, to show us how she’s feeling
She makes us mad, she’s bad, bad, bad, she’s ruining our ceiling!
This naughty bird and knee high turd’s one mighty smack despatcher
We’d sting her toes, march up her nose, if only we could catch her…

A fiery dance through legs of pants, she’d feel our wrath and fully
But she’s too quick with slapping stick, deft-handed little bully!
With spade she’ll smash, scoop up and stash each tiny battered body
Our Queen is pissed and did insist defence was rather shoddy

Express attack, we can’t fight back, we’ve almost had a gut full
She’ll bash and splat, then that is that, we’re slaughtered by the cupful
Our nest is west, there’s nothing left, all due to mini menace
But violent craze, just passing phase, thank Christ she took up tennis!

~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright P J Ross
16112015

Image courtesy of P J Ross